Women are from Venus and men are from Mars. We have all head this before but how does this explain anything about online dating?
Well, like most things in life, women and men have different experiences and online dating is no exception. Women that date online likely approach it differently than men do but that doesn’t mean that there is no common ground.
Yes, there are some aspects of online dating that apply to both genders. It can be frustrating, it can be confusing and it can be exciting for both women and men.
It is important to acknowledge that even though men can be impossible to understand, they probably feel the same way about women. So, here is a guide to help you better understand what lies behind a man’s dating profile, how to use your dating profile to attract the kind of man that you want and how to get the most out of online dating.
- Choose the Dating Site Carefully
If you know what you are looking for, choose the dating site that attracts those kind of people. Although Tinder has its success stories, most people on the app are not looking to marry very soon.
So, think about the target market of the dating site and join the one that best fits the type of relationship you are looking for. Sign up for eHarmony if you are looking for something more serious or stick to Bumble if you want to be in control of who messages you.
- Think About Your Location
Besides the crowd that a dating site or app attracts, you also need to think about the location factor. With dating sites, you can notice quite a few demographic differences depending on your location.
If you recently moved, it might be a good idea to review the type of profiles that you are seeing. Don’t be afraid to switch things up if you find that the profiles are no longer interesting to you.
- Read Your Profile Like a Man
One common mistake women make is not considering how they come across in their dating profile. Does your profile really attract the type of person that you want to be dating?
The solution is simple: have a male friend read your dating profile. They can tell you what their first impression is and whether it matches up with your real personality.
- Don’t Be Demanding
Staying on the topic of dating profile mistakes – don’t come across as overly demanding. Sure, we all enjoy getting spoiled every once in a while and we all love a gentleman.
However, when you place demands on your dating profile, you are also chasing away those gentlemen. Acting like a high maintenance girlfriend before the relationship has even started actually keeps away the men that are willing to put in the work.
- Look for the Signs of What You Don’t Want
Hasty swipes left and right are not the best strategy when you are looking for something more serious. If you are online dating for the purpose of a long-term relationship or even marriage, you have to pay attention to the details on his profile.
For example, don’t send a message to a guy with a dog when you are allergic to animal fur. Similarly, if you are on a healthy lifestyle routine then a guy with lots of party pics probably won’t have the same flow in life as you.
If you are in it for the long haul, incredibly handsome photos just aren’t enough.
- Why Are There Other Women in His Profile Photos?
Sometimes, men will post photos with other women on their dating profile. It acts as ‘social proof’ that other women like him, too. (Women may do the same with men in their photos but this is far less common).
Either he doesn’t feel confident around women and this is his way of making up for it or he is too confident around women and is showing it off. Unless the woman is clearly his mom or grandmother, you probably want to swipe right on this one.
- Don’t Fall for the Tease
As a woman, you will get a few unwanted messages in your inbox. There is always that one guy that gets off on sending inappropriate and even harassing messages.
A big red flag is when a guy starts the message with ‘I bet you (insert something vulgar)’. These messages are not worth your time! Block and report immediately.
- Great Messaging Doesn’t Mean Great Conversations
Shy men may feel more comfortable messaging with woman than having a real life conversation with them. This is perhaps why women sometimes come home from a date, disappointed that the conversation did not flow so well.
Prepare yourself for this and give the guy some time to open up. If you are still interested in him, go ahead and plan another date. Hopefully, by date 2 he will feel more comfortable.
On the other hand, if the date is far too awkward because of the bad conversation don’t assume that the second date will be any better. A little shyness in the beginning is normal but there should be enough of a click that it doesn’t get awkward.
- Take the Chance, Send the First Message
Sending the first message isn’t easy, for neither men nor women. Guys often feel the pressure to send that first message but it can be just nerve wracking for them.
If you have spotted a profile that you keep coming back to, go ahead and be the first to send a message. You should feel confident in taking charge of your dating life instead of waiting for Mr right to make the first move.
Men actually get a kick out of women sending the first message. It gives them a little confidence boost and gets the shy guys to come a little out of his shell.
- Be Clear in Your Messages
Showing emotion through text is already hard enough and we all know that men sometimes need a knock to the head to understand. So, be clear in your messages.
Sure, it is sexy to be a little mysterious but you shouldn’t be so mysterious that they don’t know what you mean. While you are still messaging, keep things simple and straightforward.
Once you go on the first date, you can have a little more fun with it. Just think about how many times a joke did not come across right in text but is hilarious in person.
- Go for Coffee, Just Coffee
The best first date with someone you met on an app or dating site is coffee. Why just coffee? Because if forces you to have a proper conversation and you have more control over how long the date will last.
If the date goes really well, you can easily extend the date to a walk or a meal. Equally effective, this shorter date will get you both excited for a longer second date.
If the date goes horribly, all you have to do is finish your coffee and say you have somewhere to be.
Of course, you should never feel obligated to stay longer than you are comfortable with, no matter what kind of date you are on. A cup of coffee just gives you an easy excuse to leave.
- Don’t Get Discouraged at the Start
Ever heard the comparison of online dating is a marathon, not a sprint? There is truth to this saying.
Only a very lucky few meet their perfect match in just a matter of months (which to be honest is not so different from dating sans apps). Most people will go on lots of first dates before meeting someone they would like to date exclusively.
So, don’t get discouraged after just the first few months of online dating. Instead, approach it as a fun pastime and set up lots of coffee dates.
- Drink Lots and Lots of Coffee
To hammer it in even more, go on coffee dates frequently. Go as often as it stays a fun thing for you to do.
The beauty of coffee dates is that it can be as short as 15 minutes. You could squeeze it in during your lunch break if you wanted to.
The point is that to get the most out of dating sites, you need to go on lots of dates. Over time, you’ll be able to pick out the profiles that have great potential and the profiles that are simply not right for you.
- Stop When It Isn’t Fun Anymore
Is more coffee the last thing that you want right now? This might be a sign that it is time for a break from the coffee dates.
Once you feel fatigued and are starting to lose hope, there is no point in forcing in more dates. When you get in this type of head space it becomes very difficult to actually make a connection on your dates.
So, delete the app or temporarily hide your dating profile. The handsome singles will still be there once you have taken the time to recharge.
- Don’t Be Afraid to Take the Lead
Guys get nervous on dates, too. Sometimes, his nerves can be a sign that he is really interested in you so what do you do in this situation?
Take the lead! You don’t have to leave everything in his court and rely on him to make all the plans. If you want the date to go a certain direction, let him know.
Ready to try online dating again? Try out these tips for online dating as a woman and see how much fun you can have.